A great post this morning on bladeronner.com (A Valuable Business Lesson from “The Princess Bride”) got me thinking: a) what a brilliant movie Princess Bride is; 2) how relevant the “Dread Pirate Roberts” idea is to branders; and 3) how many other lessons for us are hidden in this great film.

Branding lesson 1:  Names matter.

 Westley: No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.

Making your business into a “Dread Pirate Roberts” is the subject dealt with in the blog post mentioned earlier. But in branding terms, note that the intangible qualities of your name are very important to set the stage for your branding conversation with a customer – or to “inspire the appropriate terror” if that’s your objective.

Branding Lesson 2: Persistence Pays.

Inigo: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Repeat your brand promise to yourself over and over as a mantra. Craft the mission as a conversation starter, so a listener simply has to find out the story of your brand. And when it comes down to the final fight, have that mission on your lips as you ruthlessly carry it out.

Branding lesson 3: Got a miracle pill? Help your customers swallow it.

Inigo Montoya: That’s a miracle pill?
Valerie: The chocolate coating makes it go down easier.

It doesn’t matter how miraculous, how sexy, or how “game-changing” you think your product is. If customers don’t recognize it as such, you won’t sell a single unit. Learn what simple things you can add to your whole-brand package to help your customers “get it” as quickly as possible.

Branding lesson 4: Know their pain.

Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

If you haven't seen it, get it; watch it; memorize each line.

Keep it real. Use a straightforward tone of voice, and tell the truth. Don’t gloss over customer objections, customer hang-ups, or your own shortcomings. Customers are smart enough to know where the real pain is, and they’d prefer that it not be you.

Branding lesson 5: Building a strong brand takes time.

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

You can’t cut corners. So even if the end result seems like a miracle pill to your customers, you have to patiently build your equity and their trust over time.

Branding lesson 6: Always a) expect the inconceivable and b) respect your competition.

Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody’s follow’ us?
Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable…incidentally, why do you ask?
Inigo Montoya: (later in the scene) He’s right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.

If you are in the lead in your market, congratulations. That’s great. But don’t get so cocky you forget to analyze what’s happening behind you. Otherwise, your competitors (who are also smart and dedicated) may “find a different wind”.

Branding Lesson 7:  Choose your words carefully.

Vizzini: HE DIDN’T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

If you try to sound intelligent and savvy without also being a student of your customers’ language, you can quickly lose the respect you are trying so to win. Make sure you mean what you think you mean.

Branding lesson 8: Use the right strategy for the situation.

Inigo Montoya: You are using Bonetti’s Defense against me, eh?
Man in Black: I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.

Know your opponent and your terrain. But don’t get too set in your ways. Your opponent may only be pretending to be left handed, so if you have to switch, be flexible enough to do so quickly.

Branding lesson 9: Watch out for the R.O.U.S.’s

Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.’s?
Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.
[Immediately, an R.O.U.S. attacks him]

Also highly recommended is the original novel.

But beyond the obvious point about hidden dangers we choose not to see, the author of the original novel is having some fun here with our propensity for using jargonny abbreviations and acronyms - even when effective communication could mean the difference between life and death. Just call them Monster Rats and watch your back! (for more on this, see our July 31 post the 25 worst acronyms).

Branding lesson 10: Love conquers all

Buttercup: You can’t hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.

As the grandson in the movie might say, “yuck, is this a kissing blog?” But seriously. In human or brand relations, the bonds of human affection, attachment, and commitment are awsomely powerful forces. So if you’re looking for a happy ending for your brand, focus on building those real human links that will help you and your customers survive a thousand swords.

Bonus branding lesson: Have fun storming the castle!

(NOMO part 4 of a series of 4) Don’t blame John Mc Cain. Or at least don’t blame him for his problems with “alphabet soup”. Most acronyms are actually “nomonyms” – our word for unhelpful abbreviations, to which we say “NOMO!” We also discussed initialisms like “IBM” – which are also usually a really bad idea. But acronyms are a whole different world of hurt, and some are so truly, and hilariously awful, they are in a class by themselves…

The 25 worst acronyms in the world

1. STUPID – St. Thomas University of Public International Diplomacy
An academic institution in Kenya (we didn’t make this up)

2. MHAAG–Mental Health Awareness and Advocacy Group
Harvard University group (we didn’t make this up)

3. SL**T – Sri Lanka Institute of Information Technology:
Name says it all (we didn’t make this up)

4. MOIST - MOntreal Internationalized Software Testing
A tech conference (we didn’t make this up)

5. RUMPS – Renal Unit Management Protocol System
From the Queen Elizabeth Hospital at the University of Birmingham (we didn’t make this up)

6. The PIIGS Group – Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece, and Spain
International diplomacy (we didn’t make this up)

7. SHIN – Saskatchewan Health Information Network
It was almost dubbed Saskatchewan Health Information Technology System! (we didn’t make this up)

8. A*RSE – African Association of Remote Sensing of the Environment
Not-for-profits are guilty too (we didn’t make this up)

9. WinCE – Windows Compact Edition
Wince: to shrink or start involuntarily, as in pain or distress (we didn’t make this up)

10. FATCOLA – First American Trust Company Of Los Angeles:
Its on the side of their building! (we didn’t make this up)

11. NAMWOLF – National Association of Minority & Women Owned Law Firms
“Legal excellence knows no color or gender” (we didn’t make this up)

12. CINCUS – Commander in Chief of the US Fleet (pronounced “sink us”)
The highest rank in the US Navy, circa 1922 – 1945 (we didn’t make this up)

13. SIGTARP – The Office of the Special Inspector General for the Troubled Asset Relief Program
The guys who are saving the US economy (we didn’t make this up)

14. QAHCAA – Quality, Affordable Health Care for All Americans
Obama’s 2009 health care plan (we didn’t make this up)

15. SUX – Sioux Gateway Airport
They got the short end of the airport acronym stick – but check out their Web site www.flysux.com to see how they’re making the best of it – possibly even turning it to an advantage? (we didn’t make this up)

16. MILF – Moro Islamic Liberation Front
And don’t forget the political extremist groups (we didn’t make this up)

Some claim that this is the worst acronym ever:

17. PUMCODOXPURSACOMLOPOLAR – Pulse Modulated Coherent Doppler-Effect X-Band Pulse-Repetition Synthetic-Array Pulse Compression Side Lobe Planar Array (we didn’t make this up)

But the Beg to DIFFER grand prize goes to… the US Armed Forces for the sheer quantity of hilarious, and sometimes fitting, acronyms.

US Armed forces – the granddaddies of acronym abuse:

18. MANPADS – Man-portable air-defense systems
(we didn’t make this up)

19. DILD* – Direct Input Limited Duty Officer
(we didn’t make this up)

20. iBOM (“I bomb”) – Ionizing Brownout Mitigation System
(we didn’t make this up)

21. ASRAAM – Advanced Short Range Air-to-Air Missile
(we didn’t make this up)

22. AS*BAG – Airframe Structure Support Boeing Advisory Group
(we didn’t make this up)

23. AARG – Affordable Accurate Robot Guidance
(we didn’t make this up)

24. IPODS – Integrated Precision Ordnance Delivery System
(we didn’t make this up)

25. S*IT – Store High in Transit
(we didn’t make this up)

 The whole NOMO series:

• Part 1: NOMO unhelpful abbreviations in government
• Part 2: an abbreviation is not a brand.
• Brief: NOMO in the Ottawa Citizen
• Part 3: a good acronym is hard to find
• Part 4: the world’s 25 worst acronyms.

(Part 3 of a 4-part NOMO series about abbreviated brand names) Right, so this week we’ve dealt with nomonyms, our term for any unhelpful abbreviated names, initialisms like IBM, and whether they can be a brand at all. And later we’ll deal with the 25 worst acronyms of all time. But first: acronyms. And here’s my lie about them: all acronyms are bad.

The happy couple in the merger of Russia's Gazprom and Nigeria's NNPC: the awkward new name "NIGAZ" (pronounced "NIGH-gaz" - no really)

So yeah. It was a lie: not all acronyms are bad.M

But just as initialisms are not a good choice for the vast majority of products and companies, acronyms are very difficult to do well, and are fraught with hidden perils – as the well-meaning folks in the picture above thought when they chose their acronym – based name, or the example we commented on last month: the SciFi channel, who thought Syfy would make a spiffy (not ”siffy”) name for their channel rebrand.

What is a (real) acronym?

But lets be clear what an acronym actually is. The word is used as a blanket term for all abbreviations – as in this Wikipedia post, which starts off making the distinction between acronym and initialism, but then ends up lumping them together. A true acronym has to meet three tests :

• a. It must be the abbreviation of a series of words, which
• b. creates an actual word that people can realistically use in everyday conversation, and
• c. the new word must stick — that is it must actually be used by people as a proxy for the longer phrase.

Meeting criteria a. is really, really easy. Anyone can take a bunch of letters and throw them together into a sequence. But if the combination is “YTJNE” it’s not an acronym, it’s an initialism.

Which brings us to criteria b. This one seems easy, but is actually devilishly difficult in practice. And criteria c. is the hardest of all, since this involves actually convincing people to use the name you create – and preferably without rolling their eyes or laughing aloud.

Why it’s so hard

It’s like trying to give yourself a nickname. In my early brand-geek days (when I was 8), I tried to get my friends to call me “Tater” (don’t ask). But of course it didn’t work. Why? because it was my idea of what would be cool, not other people’s idea of what FIT me.

Because essentially that’s what an acronym is - a nickname.  Think about how we call Coca-Cola “Coke”. We know the “official” version, but saying “Coke” feels more familar, more friendly. A good nickname is a proxy; a good acronym is a short, catchy version of a longer name that people are aware of, but if the right handle comes along, they’ll use it.

The secret to good acronyms

So here’s the key: a successful acronym has to be so simple, so elegant, so natural, that it feels like it was you customer’s idea all along. Essentially, it has to be a useful tool to help people notice, remember, and refer to you. Oh, wait, that’s our definition for a brand!

• Successful acronyms like “laser”,”NASA”, “Benelux”, and “UNICEF” are easy to say, easy to remember, and natural to use. When this is the case, the acronym actually supercedes the full name in the customer’s mind. I was an adult before I learned that UNICEF was anything but a strong stand-alone brand name. Quick: what does “scuba” stand for? Most people don’t even realize that it’s an acronym for “self contained underwater breathing apparatus”. That’s how natural a good acronym should be.
• Unsuccessful acronyms are either unwieldy (UNRWA – pronounced “un-rah”), unpleasant to say (GATT), or just too long (PUMCODOXPURSACOMLOPOLAR – Pulse Modulated Coherent Doppler-Effect X-Band Pulse-Repetition Synthetic-Array Pulse Compression Side Lobe Planar Array).
• Really awful acronyms: At their worst, acronyms are so laughably bad they make news on their own – ususally because the combination of letters forms a word that is just too much of a stretch. But we’re reserving those for another post.

The whole NOMO series:

• Part 1: NOMO unhelpful abbreviations in government
• Part 2: an abbreviation is not a brand.
• Brief: NOMO in the Ottawa Citizen
• Part 3: a good acronym is hard to find
• Part 4: the world’s 25 worst acronyms.

Photo from Ottawa Citizen Article - nice work photographer Pat McGrath! (Orange added by me after the fact)

Click the photo above or here to read the piece in today’s Ottawa Citizen.

Or join our Facebook NOMO Group.

The whole NOMO series:

• Part 1: NOMO unhelpful abbreviations in government
• Part 2: an abbreviation is not a brand.
• Brief: NOMO in the Ottawa Citizen
• Part 3: a good acronym is hard to find
• Part 4: the world’s 25 worst acronyms.

(Part 2 of a series about abbreviated brand names.) Yesterday, I ranted about the use of nomonyms (unhelpful abbreviations) in government. But of course, as you’ll read in this and subsequent posts, the problem of bad abbreviations, acronyms, and initialisms goes far beyond government. But the two biggest problems of all are right in the headline…

Just a few of the exciting things you can expect from SMC - a TLA extraordinaire.

Whoops. I lied. Twice.

Okay, a confession. In the headline, I lied a little – sort of. And what’s more, I kind of lied twice. But they’re well-meaning white lies, so if you can forgive me, I’ll explain why I lied. Today, I’ll deal with lie number one, on abbreviations. Tomorrow we’ll deal with lie number 2 and the problems with actual acronyms.

Lie number 1 (sort of): an abbreviation is not a brand.

What I’m talking about here are a specific kind of abbreviation: initialisms. These are names where you take the first letters of a longer name or set of names, and create a “monogram” for the company – like “IBM”.

So I hear some readers screaming “But IBM is a brand – and a really, really valuable brand!” Yup. It sure is. Actually it’s the second most valuable brand in the world. As I said before, I lied.

And here are a few more names that make me look like a really big fat liar: H&M, AIG, SMC, HP, HSBC, ING. All giants in the branding world. So yeah, my pants are seriously on fire. An abbreviation actually can be a brand – and it can even be a very powerful brand, maybe even second best in the world.

So is naming your product or company with an initialism a smart idea? Absolutely not!

That’s because, while it turns out an abbreviated name can become a brand (shame on me), an initialism is not inherently a brand, and strategically, not the right choice for 99% of products. It the names of all these things are exerting a negative drag on their “brandness” (communication value).
Just think about the names again. Chances are you recognize most of those abbreviations. But look again.

I lied again: SMC is a fake.

A google search showing the many potential brands of SMC.

Or rather, SMC is a real name, but not one you’ve ever heard of unless you’re into SMC pneumatic automation products (and who isn’t really?). Or maybe you went to SMC (Santa Monica College), use the SMC (State Machine Compiler), climb with the SMC (Scottish Mountaineering Club), belong to the SMC (Small to Medium Company business councils), or are active in a SMC (Social Media Club – which is where I first heard the term and got stumped).

Or maybe you’re a marketing executive at the Irvine California high tech hardware company called SMC Networks . If so, best of luck with that. They’ve been around since 1971, own the dot-com, and still can’t hit #1 on Google.

Be like IBM at your peril

The big brands I mentioned above – including IBM – are successful in spite of the limitations imposed by their current names, not because the names themselves are strong. And note that most of them became major brands under whatever name their current moniker is short for. International Business Machines is a dull, descriptive clunker, but that name was the company for most of its history, and still exists as a hidden secondary brand. That’s because a TLA can’t exist in a vacuum; when people encounter one, they do what you just did. They try to figure out what the heck T-L-A stands for (Three Letter Abbreviation – see?).

A TLA is an empty vessel, which people will try to fill with meaning. Now you can invest decades of time, or gajillions of dollars helping them FILL that container with your preferred meanings, but just remember SMC. If that’s your strategy, you’d darn well better be ready to outspend the Scottish Mountaineering Club – and all the other SMCs. Which is another problem: you can never really own a TLA – or a FLUA (Four Letter Unintelligible Acronym), or other random assembly of letters.

IBM does. Because they’re IBM.

So giving your startup company a TLA “because it works for IBM” is kind of like an ambitious but poor college grad buying a $100,000 car because that’s what rich people do…

So if I have a TLA, how can it become a brand?

Basically, if you want to build a brand around a TLA it has to meet my three basic criteria for a brand:

1. People (other than you and your inner circle) have to notice it and understand that the name equals the company, product, or concept you’re trying to promote;
2. People (other than you) have to remember it (or at least have a fighting chance of doing so if they try); and
3. People (other than you) have to use it as a tool to speak about you to others with the reasonable assumption that others will understand and be able to go back to #1).

And with a TLA, all of these thing sbecome much harder.

So if you are SMC, RPQ, or XYZ, and you can’t change for the moment, then you have my sympathy. Now get to work. Your customers need you.

If you are considering becoming TLA Inc. or launching your new product TLA, and if your boss is telling you it’s a good idea, please slow down. There are lots of ways to find a much better name.

• Tomorrow: all acronyms are bad (which is also a lie, but we’ll discuss why).
• Friday: the worst acronyms ever. (not a lie. these are really bad).

The whole NOMO series:

• Part 1: NOMO unhelpful abbreviations in government
• Part 2: an abbreviation is not a brand.
• Brief: NOMO in the Ottawa Citizen
• Part 3: a good acronym is hard to find
• Part 4: the world’s 25 worst acronyms.

As an Ottawa naming and brand strategy consultant, I once thought the technology industry was the world’s biggest offender in the realm of unhelpful abbreviations. But then I started working with the Canadian federal government…. alphabet soup everywhere. My answer in one word: NOMO!

The problem with acronyms / abbreviations / initialisms / alphabet soup

So there it was: “Governments MIA when it comes to good acronyms” – one of my biggest PPPs (Personal Pet Peeves) being addressed right on the front page of yesterday’s Ottawa Citizen. The article is a useful introduction to the importance of, and hair-pulling frustration involved with, unhelpful abbreviations and insider short-hand in government.

The article even shows awareness at the political level from the same party that once called itself CCRAP. But it doesn’t go far enough.

As a taxpayer, I’ve had enough trouble navigating my way through the small range of government services I actually use. But as a consultant whose job it is to help fix brand communication problems, I’ve been right in the middle of the tangled thicket of jargon and shorthand.

Client: Your CV is impressive: PMRA, TBS, PWGSC…
Me: Great! so we can work together?
Client: Maybe, but the DG and the ADM might RFP, so PMO, PCO, and TBS are Cc-ed. CRA, DND, and PHAC as well…
Me: Uh, right.
Client: So as an SME SP without SC…
Me: I’m SOL?

And that’s before we actually get to work. Once I do, my consulting task is usually to explain existing services and programs in plain language, as I’ve done with Public Works and Government Services Canada (TPSGC-PWGSC), Treasury Board Secretariat (TBS-SCT),  Health Canada Pest Management Regulatory Agency (PMRA-ARLA), and others. But I can’t do that until I’ve gone through the lengthy process of myself figuring out the thing I’m supposed to be explaining, (so the PMBB isn’t the same as the NMAO?) and then making sure that my clients can in turn understand and explain it in the simplest possible terms – without shorthand.

At other times, I’ve actually had the joyous opportunity to name, or better yet un-name or re-name, a government entity. For example, a few years ago, I helped Industry Canada launch a new coast-to-coast service for business, which we called simply “Canada Business”. A boring name perhaps, but the intent couldn’t be plainer, and even better, doesn’t need to be abbreviated (“CanBiz” and “CB” were rejected early in the process).

Why the terms don’t help

But in trying to talk about this problem, the word “acronym” itself is one of the problems. So is“initialism”. So is “abbreviation”. I’ve tried sorting through this with a glossary at wordie.com. But I apologize if it’s still confusing.

And to technically-minded bureaucrats, these words have such specific definitions, and are so widely abused, that the debate always gets gleefully sidetracked into the debate over which term applies to which unhelpful short-form. Is FINTRAC an initialism? Is PHAC an acronym? Should we name our new program CANPAPHTHPT?

The average citizen says: “WTHC” (Who The Heck Cares)?

My modest proposal:

So I say we short-circuit the debate with one new word that describes the whole range of unwieldy shortenings:

NOMONYM: (NOUN) any unhelpful short-form, nickname, abbreviation, acronym, initialism, jargon, or insider buzz-term.

I created the word by (helpfully) abbreviating the phrase “NO More Obscure Nomenclature!” Although “NO-MOre-NYMs” works just as well.

In common usage, I recommend that this term be further shortened to “NOMO” and shouted loudly at government seminars, workshops, and brainstorming sessions.

Usage examples for “NOMO”:

Scenario 1: CRA needs a TTB from the WTH before you get an XYZ.

Response: all the people shout “NOMO!”

Scenario 2: government announces BPH moves RPHCAN to TLA.

Response: all the people shout “NOMO!”

Scenario 3: the DND/CF CEFCOM JTF-Afg and TFK BGen of ISAF, launches Operation ROOB, UNYIP, JANOOBI (I’m not making that up)

Response: all the people shout “NOMO!”

Use NOMO as a noun, a verb, an adjective, whatever you like. But shout it loudly, so it is heard throughout government boardrooms, corridors, brainstorming sessions – anywhere a NOMO might rear its ugly head.

And as the movement spreads, we go through the whole portfolio of government agencies, services, and terminology, weeding out NOMOs wherever we find them.

Perhaps then government can do the one thing that citizens need most:

C.O.M.M.U.N.I.C.A.T.E.

The whole NOMO series:

• Part 1: NOMO unhelpful abbreviations in government
• Part 2: an abbreviation is not a brand.
• Brief: NOMO in the Ottawa Citizen
• Part 3: a good acronym is hard to find
• Part 4: the world’s 25 worst acronyms.