Green eggs & spam: a Twitter poem

Beg to Differ is going to take a quick break from our greatest hits series today to reflect on a profound thought. We all love Dr. Seuss and Green Eggs and Ham right? Myself, this I’ve read the story to my kids fifty kajillion times. Which got me thinking. Sam I Am is a humourous little fella – in a book….


@SamEyeEm shows off some new features of the interface. But is he perhaps already of the rails and heading for a fall? Read on.

But would you follow @SamEyeEm on Twitter?

I will not follow @SamEyeEm!

  • Would you become my Twitter friend?

I won’t become your Twitter friend!
To Follow you I don’t intend!

I would not sir if you ReTweet.
You might just be a spamming cheat
I won’t become your Twitter friend!
I will not follow @SamEyeEm!

  • Would you post to my #hashtag?
    (I will not block or flame or flag.)   

I will not post to your #hashtag.
I won’t debate or wank or brag.
I would not sir if you ReTweet.
Or DM me, or kiss my feet,
I won’t become your Twitter friend!
I will not follow @SamEyeEm!

  • But if I link out to your blog?
    Or tag a TwitPic of your dog? 

Not for my blog.
Don’t perv my dog!
Won’t use your tag.
That’s not my bag.
I would not sir if you R-T.
Or even if you Follow me
I won’t become your Twitter friend!
I will not follow @SamEyeEm!

  • Would you? Could you? If I list?z
    I’ll add you twice, oh I insist! 

Look buddy, now I’m getting pi….

  • You may follow. You will see.
    When Demi Moore, she follows me!   


I would not, could not for Celebs.
I will not for your convo threads.
I will not join your Mafia clan
I do not want your virus spam
I do not want to stay up late
To learn about what you just ate.
I would not sir if you ReTweet
My best words you would just delete.
I won’t become your Twitter friend!
I will not follow @SamEyeEm!

  • Reply! Reply!Reply! Reply!
    Oh could you, would you just reply? 

No! No reply! No props! No links!
You cannot spell! Your grammar stinks!
Your thoughts are often just bizarre
You have a dorky avatar.
You tweet ten thousand times a day –
With never anything to say!
I would not sir if you ReTweet
I would not for the sake of Pete!
I won’t become your Twitter friend!
I will not follow @SamEyeEm!

  • Say! Will this do?Will you if I find for you
    A hundred thousand followers too? 

But only seven follow you!

  • Would you, could you, on TweetDeck?

I would not, could not, on TweetDeck.
Nor will I with another tech.
I won’t on Facebook find your face.
Nor FriendFeed, LinkedIn, or MySpace.
Not in my Outlook e-mail box.
And not with Chrome or FireFox.
Not even Wikipedia
I’m anti-Social Media!

  • You will not follow me at all?

Now we’ve breached the firewall!

  • Could you, would you, for free stuff?

No swag could ever be enough!

  • Would you, could you, if they placed“
    ReTweet” on Twitter’s Interface?   
Apologies to Dr. Seuss
Apologies to Dr. Seuss for butchering his rhyme. But please buy the original, and read it to a kid.

Excuse me?

  • But when you clicked it you would find
    These Tweets came out all deaf and blind
    With no real chance to edit them
    Then would you follow @SamEyeEm? 

Um… no…
Where are you going with this?

  • No room for context, irony
    Or “Laugh-Out-Louds” oh you will see
    How clean the new ReTweets can be.
    And you don’t have to follow me. 


  • The best part of this brand new model:
    If just one friend ReTweets my twaddle,
    Ta da! I’m there within your stream!   

No, no, what is this evil dream?!?!?

  • So now it’s neither here nor there
    Don’t follow me, I just don’t care.
    I may be the biggest Twitterbator…
    But I’ll still CU-L8r G8r

    The end… or is it?

    If you hate the new ReTweet feature on Twitter as much as we do, please read more in our Twiterloo post from last week to see what you can do about it.

    Fight the DUM-RT!

    (our term for the new “feature”)

    Long live SMA-RT!

    (the classic RT that works – rhymes with “party”, for your own poems.)