Now that the Vancouver 2010 Olympics are over, store we take it all back
In which Beg to Differ eats crow on behalf of the whole nation of Canada, tadalafil and proposes 10 truly Canadian Vision Statements to replace Own the Podium.
Hey world, viagra
How’s it going? This is Canada here. And look, you know that whole “own the podium” thing? That thing where we 1) claimed we were going to kick butt in Vancouver 2010, and then 2) actually kicked butt by winning more gold medals than any country has ever won at an Olympic Winter Games – like, ever?
Well, that was totally rude of us.
I know, your athletes came to Canada hoping to win, but then you had to watch Canadians win, and win, and win. You wanted to hear your national anthems, but then you had to listen to ours over and over: you must have thought, “Oh Canada, here we go again”.
We know how that feels; we’ve been there (i.e. at every other Olympics).
And then, beating the Americans at ice hockey for gold not once, but twice… okay, we don’t take that back, but you get the picture.
And then the actual words: “Own the Podium”. Ah, that little three-word Vision statement. Did you know that was actually written by a government agency? Weird eh?
It set a simple, audacious goal that everyone clearly understood, and that we could hold the Canadian Olympic Committee accountable for. It was oddly bold, clear, even unapologetic.
Whoa, did we mention we’re sorry?
Seriously, that kind of cocky self-assurance was totally un-Canadian of us. We are SOOO sorry, and we’ll just go back to being Canadian again, eh?
So, in the spirit of re-capturing the old Canada you all knew, loved, and mostly ignored, here are:
10 possible replacements for “Own the Podium” that we think you’ll like better:
1 ) “Earn the podium.”
2 ) “Share the podium please.”
3 ) “Own the snow (except in Vancouver, where we’ll own the drizzle).”
4 ) “Owned the podium; but dude, you can have it back now.”
5 ) “Own any podium that involves pucks.”
6 ) “No matter how well we do, we will always suck at ski jumping.”
7 ) “Own the floor beside the podium where the 4th place finisher stands.”
8 ) “Own the bouquet, but donate the medals to poor American families who can’t get health care (sorry).”
9 ) “Own the right to collectively agonize, apologize, and fail to recognize those areas where we actually are awesome.”
10 ) “Un-the Podium” (in which we basically write a Vision statement that is more typical of a government program):
“Our Un-the-Podium Truly Canadian Vision: Continuously improve world-comparative indicators of success in a wide variety of fields of athletic endeavour, and demonstrate greater-than-incremental improvements across events using Target Excellence Peak Indicator Data (TEPID), as determined by Canadian Olympic Performance Optimization Utility Thresholds (COPOUTs).”
Whew, that feels much better.