Beg to Differ

Seriously. It’s an awesome story. Here’s why I never tell it.

Beg to Differ wonders: is the story of your company or product worth telling? Maybe it is, ambulance but will anyone ever listen? Or more to the point, troche tell? Take some lessons from my best-ever story of travel disaster.

My best-ever story

Okay, so I’ve got this killer true story from when I was backpacking in Eastern Germany back in the early 90’s. Truly epic. Rich with wacky characters,  exotic locations, humour, truly stupid blunders by me, and once-in-a-lifetime coincidences.

10 highlights from my best-ever story:

• A dead body that stops a train.
• A dozen angry skinheads with big dogs.
• An unlikely partnership between a Kurdish refugee, a giant Russian, and a hapless Canadian (that’s me)
• An interrogation by burly East German police officers (see dead body above).
• A midnight train to Moscow.
• A great line: “Who do you think you are? The president of the United States?”
• A helpless German girl in distress.
• A leap from a moving train.
• A night on the streets of Berlin.
• A touching lesson in brand authenticity.

Sounds unbelievable but it’s all true. Trust me. The few people I’ve told it to over the years have said that I need to write a novel or a movie script or at least a really really long blog post…

Maybe some day. Just like some day I’ll finish those five Great Novels I started in university.

But for the moment, if you want to hear it, you’ll have to buy me a beer when you have an hour or more to kill. Because, as great as it is, I never tell my story any more.

Here’s why I don’t tell my story

1. The whole story takes time. And the dedicated time to sit and listen to one person tell long stories  is a luxury most of us don’t have.
2. The story has mixed messages. Like real life or art or the story of a dream, it’s a sprawling narrative without a single theme and lots of ambiguities. The point is unclear. It asks you to think hard but without the clear “payoff” of a joke or a shorter story.
3. Most people don’t care: I don’t mean that in a bad way. My friends, family, and colleagues a caring  people, and they care about me. They just don’t necessarily care about my big long story at the point where I might want to tell it.
4. There are great little stories within the big story. I’ve found that the best way to use this experience is to pull out smaller, more focused anecdotes. I break my big story down to simple messages that fit the conversation.
5. In a social setting, people want to be participants not an audience. This is the biggie: if I’m in a group of people having dinner or a glass of wine, or heaven forbid, at a business meeting, it would be pretentious to start telling my story because it is so long and involved. Why?
   Because it’s a conversation, not my personal soap box.

Hard truth: a great story isn’t enough

As a guy who helps companies and charities tell their stories, I run into clients all the time who have a fascinating story of their founding, evolution, or the inspiration that drove their early success.

That is, the story is fascinating to me, because I take the time to ask, listen, and prod for details.  But that’s cheating, because I’m getting paid to care.

The trick is translating that into a simple brand story  for customers. And that always involves keeping it simple. Then, if the listeners are interested, they’ll ask for more.

So how about your story?

In your marketing, are you trying to monopolize the conversation with a story that’s too complicated? Are you listening to other people’s stories? Are you finding the right bits of your story for the right moments?

Tell me your story. I’m listening.

An open letter to PETA from your target audience (I think)

Hi PETA. Yes you, thumb the “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals”. It’s your target audience here. Or at least I think I might be your target audience. I’m not sure you actually know anymore. Which is why I’m writing. I think you guys have “jumped the shark” and thought you might like to know why.

Why am I your target market?

• You had me at “ethical treatment of animals”: when I hear that name, information pills I think: cool! I’m one of you! I’m a person in favour of that – I mean, information pills who wouldn’t be right? It’s a hard concept to argue with. Animals need someone to speak up for them. Yay.
• I’m a social-justice-minded guy: I’m a “soft lefty” who believes in equality, justice, and the environment, so ideologically, we should be able to speak the same language right?
• I’m a dad: you know, influencing the choices of the next generation (when they listen).
• I’m  a blogger: when I speak, literally dozens listen. Okay it ain’t thousands a day, but it’s something.
• I’m a heterosexual: and despite my better intentions, when I see nice-looking semi-naked woman, you get a free pass to a bit of my attention. So yeah, all those early “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” campaigns against fur did catch my eye, and because they were clever and fairly well executed, and (read this line twice please) there was a clear connection between the creative and the message they actually did make me think twice about the fur trade.  So congratulations.

But that’s where you’re losing me

Last week, I made the mistake of clicking on your “PETA State of the Union Undress” and suddenly I felt like I was on water skis heading straight for the shark pool.

Yes PETA. I get it.  That’s “State of the Union Undress” –  like “address” but naked (snort snort, chortle). And apparently this is your third annual installment, timed to coincide with the US President’s State of the Union speech.

The video features a speech by a model who strips down, not just to her knickers or cleverly concealed naughty bits, but to full frontal nudity (you’ll notice I’m not linking to it. Feel free to Google away, but trust me, you’ll feel sleazy afterwards).

Almost worse than that, the performance is awful. The speech is rambling and badly written. The subject matter is all over the map, from seal hunts to chicken farms to  “promoting healthy vegan lifestyles”.

Save the SuperModels!

But how about when you top it off with exploitation of human beings? Surely that’s even worse than (gasp) eating eggs.

What really got me was the baby seal look on the poor model’s face. She just looked profoundly uncomfortable – like she’s not sure why she signed up for something like this, and she’s hoping her mother and / or future non-porn-industry employers aren’t watching.

Basically, she looks unethically treated.

And that’s what got me thinking. Who among us speaks up for the poor, oppressed, fabulously-rich and beautiful?

My new organization:

All joking aside…

PETA, just be aware that when you put together extreme lack of focus with  sensationalism all you get is noise. Just noise.

If you want me back, just work on these two things:

1. Focus on issues where you can actually make a difference. I might be convinced to stop wearing fur or eat less meat but if you tell me never to buy leather or drink a glass of milk, you’ve lost me.
2. Try subtlety. Seriously. It works. You can tease and be playful, but make sure there’s a solid, audience-friendly point at the end. And make sure it never crosses the line into titillation and sensationalism for their own sake.

Because while you might “reach” your audience, trust me: they won’t be listening to what you’re trying to say.

How about you readers: has PETA lost their edge? Am I being fair?

Thoughts on Gladwell’s What the Dog Saw – part 2

Beg to Differ is riffing on thoughts inspired by Canadian journalist Malcolm Gladwell in his new book What the Dog Saw: And Other Adventures. Today we reflect on his essay The Ketchup Conundrum, information pills with strategies for smart branders in all kinds of pickles.

Essay:THE KETCHUP CONUNDRUM – Mustard now comes in dozens of varieties.Why has ketchup stayed the same?

In this essay, hospital Gladwell asks a pretty basic question about ketchup: why are there “No Other Kinds?” That is: while there are a handful of ketchup manufacturers, more about there is really only one variety of ketchup that has ever gained any market traction.

But along the way, I see three different brand-building strategies that apply to all kinds of markets as well.

Mustard strategy

The mustard universe used to look the same way as ketchup. In the old mustard universe, there was just plain old yellow mustard (a la French’s).  But then, along came the game-changer: Grey Poupon. With brilliant advertising (see YouTube clip below), premium pricing, and an exotic taste, Grey Poupon created  a “high end” in the mustard market, and voila! Faster than you can say “pardon me…” consumers began seeking out and buying other kinds of mustard.

All it took was for one smart new product to change the rules of the mustard world.

Spaghetti-sauce strategy

Gladwell shows that the spaghetti-sauce market underwent an even larger transformation, but in this case there were already two dominant varieties: Ragú with a thin sauce, and Prego, with a thicker, richer sauce.

Gladwell tells the story of Howard Moskowitz, the food industry guru who convinced Prego to try not one, not two, but three different varieties of sauce under the same Prego banner. Suddenly, consumers were delighted to “fine tune” their spaghetti sauce by choosing plain, spicy, or extra chunky.

The result: Prego became number one, and an arms race began in the pasta aisle, that continues to this day.

Ketchup strategy

But before you run off to re-write the brand strategy for your product: consider ketchup.

Many companies have tried to play the Grey Poupon and Prego tricks with ketchup. Gladwell narrates the efforts of one such upstart “World’s Best Ketchup” and shows how such contenders have utterly failed to create a “second wedge”.

Why? Turns out that the definition of “Ketchup” is much narrower in the consumer’s mind, and once you cross that line, it’s not ketchup at all anymore.

Or as Howard Moskowitz himself shrugs at the end of Gladwell’s article: “I guess ketchup is ketchup.”

So brand managers,what does your market look like?

The basic truth in Gladwell’s article is this: all markets are different, and therefore, the path to success in each will be very different. So whether you’re trying to create a brand in robertson screws or facial tissue, network servers or off-road vehicles, the key is to learn the peculiar mindset of customers in your industry:

• Mustard Markets: there’s room for a “Grey Poupon” to show people that another option can a) fit the definition, but b) take the category in a whole new direction. Your job: find the wedge, and push it hard – and a bit of class with a sense of humour won’t hurt either.
• Spaghetti Sauce Markets: there’s room for a lot of variety under the same category umbrella, and customers are hungering for choice (even if they don’t know it yet). Your job: find out what “chunky style” looks like in your spaghetti bowl.
• Ketchup Markets: sorry to say, your product category is very narrowly defined in customer’s minds, and there’s not a lot of room for competition with established players. If you “break the rules” too much, you’ll never get very far. Your best bet here is to compete on “non product” benefits like service, price, or clever branding. Or maybe try the salsa business instead.

Malcolm Gladwell at TED on Spaghetti Sauce

The classic Grey Poupon ad